Tan Your Hide

I got a question. Sunless tanners. How to use them?

I reside in the mystical world of the coast, where cool ocean breezes wend their way through the air, and large banks of misty fog enwrap the land in a chilling embrace. Clear days of sunshine are welcomed like the visit of a friend from far away.

Poetic, truly—but it ain’t shorts weather.

Yet there are times when I find the need to travel to the warmer climates of the South, where tank tops and shorts are de rigueur. Coming from my days of blue jeans and long-sleeve tops, my attempts at LA fashion tend to remind one of the quote, “Her face, at first just ghostly, turned a whiter shade of pale.”

What does one do?

One goes to Wal-Mart.

Which brings us back to the subject of sunless tanners. How, exactly, does one use them? It never occurred to me before, but when you have the power to control your tan lines, where does it end? Do you stop fake-tanning where last month’s short-sleeve visit to LA left off? Or do you gel all the way to the wrists, risking a more pronounced farmer’s tan? Planning ahead to the Halley’s Comet-like occasion of actually needing to wear a swimsuit, do you tan one-piece or tankini? Hmmm…a bit too much time in front of the computer and not enough on the exercise bike will answer the question of tanning full skirt vs. French cut.

Trouble is, someone just put the power of creative choice in the hands of an artist.

I’m starting to think, “tattoo.”

Published in: on June 30, 2007 at 5:03 pm  Leave a Comment  

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